I think a Brain Bomb is my new favourite expression for a day like yesterday and I’m pretty sure that everyone can relate to the feeling. You know when lots of little things pile up throughout the day that make you feel a little stressed or anxious but once you add them all together you think your head will explode…well that’s a Brain Bomb.
I haven’t had the best start to the week to be fair, I’ve felt kind of dazed and overwhelmed mentally, for no particular reason. My body has been aching so much too so I’ve been kind of numb I suppose and set to auto pilot function ‘bare minimum’.
I knew I had a date night planned for Wednesday night and was super excited as we hadn’t gone out for our wedding anniversary two weeks ago. As I wasn’t feeling great already I decided to have a chilled day watching tv, a long soak in the bath and plenty of time to leave the house.
My first brain bomb was a friend in need. I’d helped him arrange a parcel delivery on Saturday and it had all gone terribly wrong so I said I’d try and help him sort it… But I fell asleep. I woke to another phone call from a friend about to sit an exam. I felt terrible that I hadn’t called her earlier to wish her luck or even run through some study notes with her, not that she would mind but you still kick yourself when you worry you’ve let someone down. So I wished her lots of luck. To help parcel friend I needed to make a phone call which immediately makes my heart race…ANXIETY ALERT!!! Phone calls are a big issue for me lately especially to people I don’t know. But I didn’t want to share this with him so I did it anyway. Which is great in regards to pushing through my limits and all that crap but this then set me on edge.
Next Brain Bomb was trying to get the kids stuff packed for their sleepover. I was super grumpy because I couldn’t find a full set of school uniform in the multiple piles of clean washing. Now imagine me huffing and puffing because A) we have way too much washing that needs putting away and B) there is a giant piece of wood on the stairs that is meant to be upstairs but is still on the stairs in the way of the stair lift that I now can’t use. I make my way downstairs slowly but not really looking at what I’m doing because I’m so grumpy and I trip on said piece of wood and fall down a few stairs. Now I’m majorly p**sed off! I sit on the stairs and refold the clothes I dropped and the kids arrive home.
So my next Brain Bomb begins. My eldest Lexie is great at getting herself organised for herself so I tell her what she needs to do and off she goes. Hayden was a whole different story. He wasn’t naughty but every two minutes he either gets distracted, gets upset or forgets something. I was starting to seize up from my tumble so I have to admit I was a little short with him but it must have taken 30 minutes for him to do what took his sister 10 minutes and I was constantly having to explain you can’t take 5 teddies, 3 guns, 2 swords and all your clothes in this small backpack.
Once they had left I felt like a terrible mum because they were off for the whole night and it wasn’t his fault I was already overwhelmed, tired and grumpy but the poor kid felt the wrath of my pain. This was when I detonated. I was so annoyed with myself for letting all these things get to me and have an impact on the kids. I wanted to cry and scream at the same time.
Luckily my friend who had her exam called me just then. After going over her exam to distract me she let me offload my explosion to her. Good job too because I fear hubby would not have made it to the restaurant if I’d seen him first. I did admit to him later that I was blaming him for my fall and the multiple washing piles but I also knew I was being unreasonable.
Hubby later had me in fits of laughter and we had a fantastic night out with friends stuffing our faces and going to the cinema. My back was screaming once I got home from sitting in the cinema so long and I felt bloated and nauseous from all the food but I’d done it!!
In some ways it makes no sense that all these little things lead to a Brain Bomb, on their own they are nothing. When you add in all the other symptoms of Fibromyalgia or most chronic illnesses it’s so overwhelming. Today I feel like I have a hangover from such an intense day yesterday and I’ve been unable to function mentally or physically. But I feel proud of myself for still managing to go out and have fun regardless, and the kids had a great time at their sleepover and aren’t bothered by my grumpy mood yesterday. So tomorrow is another day to start again and try and parent in pain.