If I were a rose, these are my thorns
I’ve realised how terrible I’ve been at keeping up with my blog this summer. It’s not through lack of trying, I have some blogs I have written and re written over and over but I just haven’t been happy to publish because they don’t feel like they express me well enough. So for those of you who have been waiting for my next crazy read I do apologise and I will get round to explaining my brain bomb summer so I hope you will understand why a computer screen is the last thing I want to see most days.
Now I seem to be in a bit of a rut a present. After my hospital stay Mike and I decided to hit restart on many aspects of our lives, from routine to house chores and anything in between. The hope was that I could take on more responsibility for the house and child care, while Mike focused more on working hours and finances. We knew most changes wouldn’t happen over night and that many things would take trial and error to work, but thanks to my migraines, we feel we keep ending back to where we started. I’ve had far too many days where I have needed to sit in a dark quiet room to ease my pain, then the days I have decided to push on through, I feel like I end up feeling worse afterwards. Now this all sounds very negative and depressing I know, I would love nothing more than to find the funny side to life at the moment, but I do believe my migraines are turning off the humour parts of my brain and turning me into a grumpy old woman.
So all I want to do is shout from the roof tops ‘Someone please help me!’. It’s not very mature of me though is it? As much as I want to get a grip, pull myself together and start on my momentous to do list while being the best Mum I can be, I also have a nagging in my head that keeps reminding me how many times I’ve tried and failed, before finishing one or two tasks. What I would love is for a team of people to come into my home, tidy it, organise it, sell the shit that’s not needed, do a little DIY, tidy the garden, make me a meal plan, write out a routine for all of us and label my whole house room by room with daily and weekly checklists so I can stay on top of it. For me this is the ultimate reset button that can clear my to do list and ease so many anxieties. I think I would even prefer this to a lottery win!!! Even better, someone like DIY sos coming in to build me a more user friendly bathroom and kitchen breakfast room would be the icing on the cake for me.
Obviously all of the above is a dream and I know it all needs to come from me. Mike isn’t exactly known for his tidying or organising skills, in fact he is messier than the children. The times I do manage to complete a room or part of a room you can guarantee that within 48 hours, my three lodgers will have transformed this room back to its original state, hence my constant need to cry ‘Someone please help me!’. I have been lucky enough to have offers of help for some of my to do list, however Mike has decided that this is not OK as he doesn’t like the idea of things being put where he can’t find them . Well I say stuff that, we need help and he needs to be escorted away if my dream comes true!
Have any of you ever found yourself living in chaos? If so did you ever manage to find ways of managing the chaos and mess? I would love to hear your stories and ideas on how to feel like you are living in a normal household, with clean floors and organised cupboards. It’s been three years since my home has felt normal and I so desperately want to live in that type of home again so any advice is welcome.
Lots of love and gentle hugs to my fellow warriors x